"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."

"What is needed, rather than running away or controlling or suppressing or any other resistance, is understanding fear; that means, watch it, learn about it, come directly into contact with it. We are to learn about fear, not how to escape from it."   J. Krishnamurti

I am learning an old lesson in a new way.  If you have been following my blog for the past two months you know I have been on a journey with breast cancer.  After the bilateral lumpectomies on September 28th I felt wonderful within a few days.  So good in fact I cut down a tree in my garden along with the assistance of my senor citizen neighbors Gaylen and Barbara and my daughter Kara using an electric power saw.   With my usual Ultra Feminine Warrior strength I bounced back to focus on life leaving the past two month is the rear view mirror.  As a reward for myself during all of the mammograms and ride in the MRI machine I promised myself that my birthday would be celebrated with both of my children.  We all enjoyed a lovely weekend in West Chester, New York.




Here I am wearing the new Breast Cancer Awareness Statement Necklace I designed for rice rafferty celebrating birthdays with Kara, Barry and Meghan outside of the church where Meghan and Barry are making plans to marry each other ;~)

 

After birthday celebration mass with my family, Meghan and I are bookend birthday Libras, Oct. 9th and 17th ;~)

On the drive back from Barry and Meghan's the doctors office called to ask why I missed my appointment that day.  Kara thinks it was accidentally on purpose as I was so excited to put all of the medical procedure's in my rear view mirror.  I am usually organized to a fault for appointments and responsibilities. Today I will attend a new appointment with destiny.  After speaking with my surgeon over the phone at my insistence she had the unenviable task to break the news cancer cells were found in the biopsy of my right breast.


Doctor said it is not her practice to give patients news like this over the phone but after getting to know me she thought it best to tell me sooner rather than let me wait until today in her office.

So far I learned I have stage 0 Breast Cancer known as DCIS or Ductal Carcinoma In Situ http://www.breastcancer.org/symptoms/types/dcis/

I designed the  rice rafferty Breast Cancer Awareness Statement Necklaces for women Inspired by the Look Good Feel Better  http://lookgoodfeelbetter.org/   I took the training certification classes for Look Good Feel Better  as part of my continuing education while we still lived in Pittsburgh.  The first two statement necklaces I designed I offered to a charity fundraiser in Buffalo, NY and Pittsburgh, Pa.   The people from Viva for Life http://www.roswellpark.org/calendar/2010-09-24/viva-life sent a nice young man out to my home to pick up one necklace.    I did not hear from the Pittsburgh coordinator until she wished me Happy Birthday after their event was over.   Little did I know when I thanked the Creator for health and healing during morning mass for my birthday as I wore this statement necklace, it was not accepted because I would need this one for myself.

I believe in a divine Higher Power who loves all of us and is greater than all of us.  The older I get I am learning everything happens for a reason.   Most importantly I believe in the words of Julian of Norwich   "ALL SHALL BE WELL"  http://www.umilta.net/julian.html

This statement necklace will be with me on my journey inspiring me to look good and feel better.

Forgive me as I have to jump on my stationary bike for 9 kilometers, read from my meditation literature and get ready for my visit with my surgeon at 1:00 today.

As I prepare myself for this journey I remember the words spoken to me often by my mother during the three years I took care of her and daddy before they died seven months apart.
" A gals got to do what a gals got to do."    Velma Rice

Right now I have to go and take care of myself. Thanks for reading my blogs ;~)  Please come back to spend a little time with me as I share my experience of my journey.

Now go make yourself a VERY CREATIVE DAY ;~)   Carol Ann Rice Rafferty

“Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand.”

Albert Einstein quoted - The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious... Sometimes there is lot of story behind a simple look, lot of effort, lot of work, lot of emotions and lot of many things :) which we just simply call mystery..Albert Einstein quoted

Yesterday was a good day.  I enjoyed a lovely, relaxing drive reconnecting with an old friend  during our drive from Buffalo to Syracuse.   Surface Design Association Members from Western New York State were invited to tour the Fiber Program at Syracuse University.  I knew about this invitation for many weeks however I was not able to commit because of a recent death in the family as well as the uncertainty of my own health concerns.   Here I am in a creative play room filled with recycled and up cycled materials.  This plastic chair was so surprisingly comfortable that I could not resist tossing my leg over the arm of the chair during the few minutes we were in this space.You can feel my delight at being able to attend this tour yesterday.

I am in day four of a kind of virtual waiting room. Since August 3rd I have been on a constant call list for repeated needle biopsies and pathology reports of my breasts following a mammogram that showed a tiny cluster of white calcium dots.  The funny part is I FEEL WONDERFUL ;~)   I just returned from my morning three mile walk carrying five pound hand weights for a full body workout.  If I am sick it will be news to my body.  I have just lived one of the best summers of my life enjoying being outside for many wonderful, hot, sunny days.

This virtual waiting room has it's advantages; fragrance of the grass, trees and flowers are more acute.  Food tastes better, colors call me to linger in an attentive gaze. Being with people I love is a treasure for me even when they are preoccupied by the hurry of life.  Life has a Halo Effect when you remember to number your days. I have received kind offers to help in various ways; go to doctors appointments with me, out to lunch, well wishes for good health and promises to keep me in prayer.

It is interesting to listen to the busy plans others have made for the next few months while I have to keep my plans simple on a wait and see day by day basis. Things that would have been important to me or might have hurt my feelings are not as important right now.  Right now I am in this waiting room to get results if I have cancer growing in a mass of cells that I can not even feel.

My purpose of sharing this experience on my blog is not for sympathy or to make you feel sadness. 
I write with the hope that someone who needs a word of encouragement will find my blog and read it one day.  These past few days in the virtual waiting room have been delightfully peaceful.  I have a deep faith in a spiritual reality that is much larger than the physical world we can see.   I believe in a creator who loves all of us and knows exactly what is going on in my life and my body before modern medicine told me they have concerns.  

Right now I continue to be an athlete in training.  I am an Ultra Feminine Warrior   I face life with the same energy and commitment I approached the natural child birth of Barry and Kara.  I will do all best on my part to keep myself strong and healthy then trust that God will bring me to the correct people at the correct time in my life. With the peace that passes understanding I wait...

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

 In the words of the Julian of Norwich I believe  
" ALL WILL BE WELL, AND EVERY KIND OF THING WILL BE WELL."
 http://home.infionline.net/~ddisse/julian.html