Sunday, September 12, 2010

“Run your fingers through my soul. For once, just once, feel exactly what I feel, believe what I believe, perceive as I perceive, look, experience, examine, and for once; just once, understand.”

Albert Einstein quoted - The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious... Sometimes there is lot of story behind a simple look, lot of effort, lot of work, lot of emotions and lot of many things :) which we just simply call mystery..Albert Einstein quoted

Yesterday was a good day.  I enjoyed a lovely, relaxing drive reconnecting with an old friend  during our drive from Buffalo to Syracuse.   Surface Design Association Members from Western New York State were invited to tour the Fiber Program at Syracuse University.  I knew about this invitation for many weeks however I was not able to commit because of a recent death in the family as well as the uncertainty of my own health concerns.   Here I am in a creative play room filled with recycled and up cycled materials.  This plastic chair was so surprisingly comfortable that I could not resist tossing my leg over the arm of the chair during the few minutes we were in this space.You can feel my delight at being able to attend this tour yesterday.

I am in day four of a kind of virtual waiting room. Since August 3rd I have been on a constant call list for repeated needle biopsies and pathology reports of my breasts following a mammogram that showed a tiny cluster of white calcium dots.  The funny part is I FEEL WONDERFUL ;~)   I just returned from my morning three mile walk carrying five pound hand weights for a full body workout.  If I am sick it will be news to my body.  I have just lived one of the best summers of my life enjoying being outside for many wonderful, hot, sunny days.

This virtual waiting room has it's advantages; fragrance of the grass, trees and flowers are more acute.  Food tastes better, colors call me to linger in an attentive gaze. Being with people I love is a treasure for me even when they are preoccupied by the hurry of life.  Life has a Halo Effect when you remember to number your days. I have received kind offers to help in various ways; go to doctors appointments with me, out to lunch, well wishes for good health and promises to keep me in prayer.

It is interesting to listen to the busy plans others have made for the next few months while I have to keep my plans simple on a wait and see day by day basis. Things that would have been important to me or might have hurt my feelings are not as important right now.  Right now I am in this waiting room to get results if I have cancer growing in a mass of cells that I can not even feel.

My purpose of sharing this experience on my blog is not for sympathy or to make you feel sadness. 
I write with the hope that someone who needs a word of encouragement will find my blog and read it one day.  These past few days in the virtual waiting room have been delightfully peaceful.  I have a deep faith in a spiritual reality that is much larger than the physical world we can see.   I believe in a creator who loves all of us and knows exactly what is going on in my life and my body before modern medicine told me they have concerns.  

Right now I continue to be an athlete in training.  I am an Ultra Feminine Warrior   I face life with the same energy and commitment I approached the natural child birth of Barry and Kara.  I will do all best on my part to keep myself strong and healthy then trust that God will bring me to the correct people at the correct time in my life. With the peace that passes understanding I wait...

 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:6-7

 In the words of the Julian of Norwich I believe  

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