Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Looking for Rainbows and Yellow Roses in November

“I've been getting rid of some clutter — anything that doesn't serve a positive purpose in my life — and making room for things that feel happy to me. Because I get to make my life whatever I want it to be. I get to make the room feel however I want it to feel. I get to make the closet as full or as spacious as I want it. And, if I have more clutter to get rid of after Christmas, I'm not going to wait a year, or two or three to do it.”   Jan Denise

Have you ever noticed that you life is made by your own design ??? If you are not happy with what is going on in your life it is within your ability to make changes.  Maybe it is just a small change like buying a new pair of shoes to begin taking walks everyday.  Or, maybe like I did you may choose to pack up a truck load of your favorite belongings and move far away from home to attend graduate school.  The year I spent living in Savannah, Georgia after moving from Clarence, New York to attend Savannah College of Art and Design was a banner year of self revelation.

Whatever you decide to do whether it is a large or a small change in your life the goal is to declutter toxic people and things from your life.  The people in your life are there by the laws of attraction. 
Be the kind of person you would like to attract and they will be attracted to you.

This morning I woke up to a crisp, light coating of frost on my garden.  
How did I choose to greet the dawn of this new day ???
  Will I choose to see the cold of winter beginning to set in or will I look for roses blooming in my garden in November???   

The summer of 1994 was a huge turning point in my life. In addition to being a Mommy to Barry and Kara both in elementary school at that time I had devoted the past three years to be a caretaker to my mother during her surgery, double valve and double bi pass to help alleviate her heart disease who was a caretaker to my father with progressing dementia from numerous strokes and TIA's

As much as I tried to be all things to all people I often failed in my intentions to be kind and loving. Most of all I often failed to take time and attention to give loving care to myself.
This tension of my life falling apart as I tried to keep it all together is reflected in my artwork,
  My Life Unraveling at Thirty- five
selected into the Fiberart International 2007

As is the plight of many caretakers I entered years of The 36- Hour Day.
Being intimately involved with a loved one who is dying can be very exhausting and sad.
Or being involved with a loved one who is dying can help us learn important Lessons for LIVING ;~)

I learned how to look for the miracles in unexpected places like seeing this rainbow of sunlight yesterday reflected in the fountain along my daily walk through Clarence Town Park.

The summer my Mother died I lived in Pittsburgh. There was a yellow rose bush in my garden directly behind the driveway. Each day when I backed my car out of the garage I thought, " There will be a yellow rose in bloom when you back out of this garage to attend your Mothers funeral."  As much as I tried to savour each moment the time during the last summer I spent with my Mother felt like it was passing so quickly.  I learned how to play with my parents even as they were dying.  Fireworks are so important to me that I drove my car up over our lawn to the front door so I could take my Mother to see her last fireworks display this side of eternity on the July 4th, 1994.

Sure enough, just like the voice I heard in my head, November 13th, 1994, as I backed my car out of the garage taking the clothing I had selected for my Mother's burial to the funeral home, there they were to greet me.   Yellow roses blooming in November ;~)
I am choosing to be the kind of person that looks for roses in November ;~)

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